The Power of Yet

The other day I witnessed how one word can make all the difference in whether you succeed or fail. My four-year-old daughter was struggling to put together a new puzzle. At one point she tried putting together two pieces that looked like they would fit but didn’t. As she kept trying to put them together she eventually burst into tears saying, “I can’t do it!” I responded, “I can see you’re really frustrated. Do you want to take a break?” “No!” she cried. As I saw she was stuck in a negative mindset with cries of “I can’t do it!” I responded, “Yet.” She paused and looked at me funny. She said, “What did you say, mommy?” I replied, “I said yet. What if you add the word “yet” to what you said? I can’t do it…yet.” Her crying stopped. I went on, “You might be struggling now but I bet you’ll eventually get it. You might just need to take a break and come back to it or try something different. If you decide you can’t do it you won’t. But if you try you might. So do you want to try saying 'I can’t do it yet?'” “Yet. I can’t do it yet,” she said and smiled. She said it again and then started giggling. It was as if the word “yet” tickled her with hope.

So I went even further with it and broke into a silly song,

Yet. Yet. Yet.

What a great word. It gives you hope When you’re struggling.

She started singing and laughing with me. I was in parent heaven seeing how this one word seemed to turn everything around for her. She eventually got back to the puzzle and after trying something different was able to finish it.

Since then she has been singing this song on her own. When new challenges come up she now catches herself saying, “I can’t do it,” and then quickly adds the word “yet” unprompted and giggles. It’s like she now has a little secret trick for changing her own mindset. And I do too.

A lot has been written about how having a growth vs. fixed mindset can lead to success. As the research of world-renowned psychologist Carol Dweck has shown, people with a growth mindset, who believe their basic abilities can be developed through determination, hard work and learning from their mistakes, tend to find greater success than those with a fixed mindset, who believe their intelligence or talent is fixed. So next time you or someone you know is frustrated and stuck in “I can’t do it” thinking try adding “yet.” It acknowledges the stuck feeling while allowing for possibility and hope.

When you are frustrated or challenged how do you respond?

What helps you have a growth mindset?

Julie Friedberg is an executive, business and personal leadership coach. She works with executives, entrepreneurs, changemakers and creative ambitious people to nurture and express their genius, unleash their creativity, expand their impact, launch and grow their dream venture and create the work and life they want. She also coaches polymaths juggling disparate worlds to find wholeness, success and joy. To learn more about Julie's coaching see www.juliefriedberg.com.